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Episode 102- Heidi Grant on How to Ask for Help— and Get a Yes

October 29, 2020 • Books
Heidi Grant

We all need help, but most of us are uncomfortable asking for it. But here’s the funny thing: even though we hate to ask for help, most people are wired to be helpful. Social psychologist Heidi Grant is the author of Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You. On this episode, Heidi shares why we are thinking about asking for help all wrong… and the things we inadvertently do that make it weird for other people. Discover the simple mistakes you are probably making—and learn what you should do instead!

Follow Heidi: Twitter | Facebook | Website

Show Notes

  • Why people hate asking for help (1:52)
  • Why leaders need to learn how to ask for help (3:52)
  • Don’t assume people know you need help (5:31)
  • Be specific about the type of help you need (7:46)
  • Ask for help face-to-face (10:02)
  • Don’t send an email to multiple people asking them for help (11:45)
  • Don’t ask for more than something someone can reasonably give you – and you may just get more (13:43)
  • Someone who has rejected your request is actually more likely to help you a second time, not less (16:32)
  • Don’t apologize when you ask for help (18:32)
  • Don’t emphasize how much the other person will love helping you (20:48)
  • Don’t portray the help you need as insignificant or small (22:08)
  • Don’t emphasize how much their help will benefit you (22:57)
  • The right way to leverage group identity (25:43)
  • Tap into shared experiences and emotions (27:29)
  • The best way to follow up once someone has given you help (29:07)
  • The motivating force behind human behavior isn’t happiness; it’s effectiveness (33:21)
  • How we should approach motivating our teams right now (36:48)
  • The difference between people who reach their goals and people who don’t (41:36)


Resources / People Mentioned

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